GORKAMORKA: CRASH COURSE

I've been having a back and forth with one of my coworkers; he laments not playing more games or having more things ready, and I invite him to try specialist games and smaller skirmish battles that you could feasibly play multiple of in one night. One offered game was Gorkamorka, on account of him playing Orks in 40k proper and me having a drawer with 500 points of primed Orks just sitting around. So we set about being proper idiots and plotted to bluster and thruster for a Monday afternoon that is now in the past.

Since my opponent plays Goff Clan Orks, I did a little bit of research to sort out which clan my boyz should be from. I went with the obvious choice: Evil Sunz, (or Evil Suns Incorporated if you will.) This clan's vehicles go faster when they're painted red, and they're notoriously good at blowing things up. Personally, I wouldn't want to get on their bad sides.

Their Bad Sides

Their Backsides

I came to two conclusions as I was painting the six boyz and the two trucks for our inevitable battle. Firstly, I want to have an army that is a united Waahhhhhhhh, so having only ten or so boyz from any given clan (max) would be the ideal. It harkens back to a GW article in White Dwarf 310(?) where John Schafer's Alpha Legion is a hodge-podge of all sorts of traitor marines. It resonated with me not only because the BatRep they appeared in was from my own yoof, but because you can kind of imagine how such a motley collection of marines would come together. You paint a handful of folks for a Killteam and once you're done ,in they go. There's a painting tutorial you wind up at and half the peeps leave their figures behind, so you toss them in. You get the idea. This time had to be Evil Sunz though. Red ones go faster.

So I get to the club, and I wait a little bit before I get a text from my pal; he's not coming. That's cool. I've just gotten involved in a 500p game of 40k, and I'm running my pugs against some bigger Space Dogs (Wolves,) and have some delightful exploding shenanigans when it occurs to me, "hey, you know what we could do..."

I'd brought the Monsterhorse with me, and a handful of the Jarl's minions because another friend had expressed interest in the idea of Gorkamorka, and since this stranger was up for an adventure and everyone I'd expected had bailed, we wrote lists. Full disclosure though, we were working off of reference sheets and a vague memory of 1e Necromunda, so while we played a whole game, it may not have been a very accurate representation of the rules and rituals associated with this infamous game.

Turn 1: Evil Sunz 

Tally Ho! A pair of warbuggies rumble up the field, covered in greenskin gruffins who holler and whoop as they drive off towards the farthest toofpile! With the objective in sight, they forget to thruster, which leaves them in range of...

Turn 1: Cybjorgs

The Monsterhorse, who's general disposition is oft regarded as "no." It rams the side of the nearest buggy, snapping an axel immediately, and sending it careening into the second, who loses one squishy Ork from it's passenger count. From the howdah on top, the Cybjorgs take potshots at the crew of the ruined buggy, sending some of them to Mork, and others into cover.

Turn 2: Evil Sunz

Without regard for their comrades, the surviving buggy thrusts far off to the outfield, where the piles of teef are. The boyz in this buggy eagerly scoop wealth into the trunk. Those who are still facing down the fangs of the Monsterhorse make their stand, but the bullets bounce off its leathery hide.

Turn 2: Cybjorgs

Mercilessly, the Cyjorgs opt to trample the scattered and broken Orks, smushing them into a fine paste. Who knows, maybe Ork blood is a good substitute for engine grease?

Turn 3: Evil Sunz 
Peeling out of toof zone 1, the Evil Sunz gun it for the second toof pile, stopping short of victory as their thrusters burn out, leaving them sitting ducks for...

Turn 3: Cybjorgs
...the clanking menagerie, who pilot the Monsterhorse to intercept the second car. With some well aimed blasts, the Cybjorgs make short work of the crew save one. One or two dismount and begin harvesting teef from the dead.

Turn 4: Evil Sunz
The last of the Evil Suns looks over his shoulder, and legs it off the pitch with empty pockets and a broken heart.

The game was a lot of bumping up into problems and trying to solve them or find the answer in the moment. Maybe I'll read the full rules in time for another rousing match (so long as I can find someone who bothers to read them too,) and give it another go with the Evil Suns Incorporated. Meanwhile, I'll find them a place on the finished shelf next to my latest batch of oddball figures, and pour over some ratty old mags for more inspiration... and maybe some more Dakka.