TOWER OF POWER - A MEDIOCRE TUTORIAL

I don’t really make tutorials, but just because I haven’t done something doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try. If people didn’t do things they hadn’t done before, we wouldn’t have cheese, and the world would be even worse than it already is.

Anyhow, here’s a tutorial on how to build a tower.

Ingredients:

• Nut Tin
• Pink Foam
• Pen
• Knife
• Mod Podge
• Air Dry Clay
• Coffee Stirrers
• Texture Paste
• Hot Glue
• Paint

Steps:

1. Eat a bunch of nuts. They’re good for you, especially if they’re not drowning in salt. Afterwards, you get a handy lidded tin, which everyone thinks is great.
2. Use the tin and the pen to mark out your foam so that you get two chonky circles. If you have a knife, you know what to do.
3. In the event that you didn’t know what to do, use a knife to chop those chonky circles until you get chonky discs.
4. Stack the discs and hot glue them to each other and to the base.
5. Use extra foam and coffee stirrers to add details you think will look cool.
6. Slather the whole thing in Mod Podge
7. Slather the tower in air dry clay. It helps to wet it somehow, and then spread with your thumbs. You can just add blobs if you don’t feel like carving bricks. I thought rocks were cool, so I just pressed a bunch of circles into the thing and was satisfied.

And that’s how you build a tower

I painted the whole tower dark grey, and then painted the rocks lighter, which to me looked like the stones had been set in grout, which is how you’d actually make a tower (for people.) I also smeared some texture paste on the base to distinguish the ground from the grout. I did all of this while watching Smile from 2022 which I didn’t love, but you should form your own opinions about if it’s premise intrigued you. Instead you should watch the 2024 film Hellboy: The Crooked Man, because it’s actually good even if its budget is anemic and it was critically panned. I have at times been a die hard Hellboy fan, and I almost didn’t watch it because of the reviews, and man we’re back to cheese. 

The world could be worse, but it isn’t, and that’s kinda rad actually.

And that’s how you make a tower! I hope this helped and that you enjoyed this, the very first tutorial from Squalor and Dice!